Sunday, August 5, 2012

It's been over 6 months and I still miss him...

My Andee, My Boop...My pooh.

I suppose I can call him mine since he didn't really like other humans.  A knock at the door would send him into a panic and have him hiding for an hour or more.  My little guy that turned into a 20lb cat was still able to wedge himself up inside my couch when I would go on vacation and had my sister kitty-sitting for me.  Yes, he was mine and my heart was glad to have him. 

Reluctant at first to add this little stray to my brood back in 2005 because I wasn't sure if my Gilligan and Lucie would like him, or vice versa...I learned very quickly Andee loved them and soon they weren't parted often.  Lucie, the mommy of the group, comforted, cleaned and cared for him almost up until the end.

He was so tiny, but by 3 months he was showing signs of big things to come!

 I have had many cats in my lifetime but Andee was like having my first child.  The love was intense.  He followed me with quiet consistency.  Needing me sometimes for no other purpose than to have me in eye-shot.  He had to be near me, and his presence brought me comfort.  I hope my presence did the same for him.  Whenever I played music and decided to dance, he would paw me on the arm until I picked him up and danced with him.  Can cat's smile?  I think he smiled each time.  Laying with me when it was bedtime and returning to stir me in the morning.  20lbs dropping by your side will surely make you at least open one eye.  Grooming my arms as I kissed the top of his head...goodness how I miss him.  There is such a sadness in my heart where all the love I had for him just sits and waits.

 He had gotten so sick.  It all started out with a condition called Mega Colon.  The vets had him on two medications twice a day. That worked for over a year, but then it got worse.  Several trips to the vet, several enemas, iv fluids, more medications; it was so hard, on us both.  He was such a good boy through it all, taking his medications with out so much as a mew of complaint.  Then I found out I would have enough money to get his colon removed; all would be solved, he would be healed and happy.  

John and I took him up to MedVets in Worthington, Ohio to see if he would be a candidate for surgery and if it would help.  I was so optimistic...I loved my little big boy. The 6 years we had had together had bonded me to him completely. 
 I had the money, what could go wrong?

Everything...everything could.

John and I were told that Andee had a brain tumor.  What we thought had just been vertigo from his medical condition was really a mass pressing against the nerves in his brain.  My sweet boy was in very bad shape.  I crumbled, right there in front of the doctors...I heard nothing else he said, it was all a blur.  My boy had no chance beyond three months and that was with intense steroids not to mention enemas every couple days for the mega colon.  Because they wouldn't do the surgery.  His end would be miserable, intolerable and I would be a selfish being to make him withstand it.  I had no choice...

I let got of my baby boy on Saturday, January 21st @ 10:45am.  I gave him back to his maker.  I asked him to wait for me to meet up with him again where we can live together without grief, sorrow or pain.  I can't wait to see him again, hug him and kiss his cheeks.  He took a part of my heart with him and one day I will need that to be complete.

I cried for days, I cried all the time and I am crying right now.
I don't think I have ever felt pain this sharp, this deep.
I love you my Andee.

I never thought I could ever love
this deeply or this strong
you were my pooh, made just for me
you knew where you belonged

But my heart broke today
today for all to see
you took a piece along with you
to a place where you wait for me

I can not follow, just not yet
my place is not with you
I had the time that God allowed
but now he just wants you

I know I will see you once again
and then we will never part
God needs you with him my sweet boy
and for now you live in my heart

You are missed and beyond.